#61: Why Are Mums Always So Tired? The Real Reasons Behind Your Fatigue
It’s an easy question, right? But the never-ending to-do list is just part of the answer.
Yes, mums take on too much, often prioritising everyone else and giving up their own needs because there’s simply not enough time for everything. There’s the full-time job that sometimes includes work travel or late meetings, always rushing to make it on time to pick up the kids, getting groceries, preparing meals, and finding time to be the mum your kids need or a great wife who keeps the relationship working. Then there are after-school activities, weekend football or gymnastics, and all the tournaments.
And then the dilemma: "I can’t take a few hours just for myself over the weekend because I haven’t seen the kids much during the week, so I need to be there for everyone the whole weekend too." (This is my struggle if I can be honest.) The mum guilt is huge.
The job might suck, but we can’t leave it because there are bills to pay. What about changing careers to do what really lights us up? But then, what would our family, friends, or even the neighbours say if we quit a well-paid job to become a permanent dog walker or fitness trainer? All these expectations weigh heavily, dragging us down into a deeper hole of despair, anxiety, and sometimes even functioning depression. Life as a mum is not easy. We’re overwhelmed, overstressed, and constantly feel like we’re failing everyone. It’s no wonder that a glass—or bottle—of wine in the evening can feel like the only escape.
But let’s talk about the things that make life even harder—the things you CAN control. Let’s keep it real.
My Own Example
When I compare myself to Dave, we are two people with similarities but also great differences. While he chills in the evening, doing yoga or reading, I’m cleaning, cooking, feeding my sourdough starter, baking bread, preparing food for the next day, making kefir, granola, or chocolate balls for Freya’s snack box. By the time I’m done, Dave’s already in bed, and I’m still doing my work-in exercises to help lower my stress after the evening’s to-do list so I can sleep.
I’m lucky Dave helps with food shopping and cooking, but this is what my crazy evenings can look like. I’m working hard to change this. There are things I cannot skip, but there are also things I can let go of. I’ve gotten much better at chilling in the evening. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m motivated to keep improving because I know this is one of the most important steps to boosting a mum’s energy—and taking some of the pressure off.
As you can see, overdoing, overplanning, and overbooking ourselves is the first element that really adds to our stress. We need to be more like Dave—or your partner, if he’s similar—and find that time to chill. Evenings are for winding down, not winding up (including telly or scrolling through social media). It sounds so simple, but I know it’s not. I’ve been programmed to be a DOER. My mother, at 64, still feels the need to explain herself if she sits down to rest. In her world, resting equals laziness. She was programmed that way, and so was I.
I read a post recently about how Gen Z is considered "lazy" because they want to prioritise work-life balance. I think millennials have a lot to learn from them. Maybe we can finally start enjoying our lives instead of drowning our sorrows in a bottle of wine after another hectic day. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Why Mums Are So Tired
All these expectations are exhausting, and no wonder mums are tired. But there’s more to it.
We’ve already talked about evening routines. Now, let’s talk about sleep. Most mums sleep less than seven hours a night, and that’s often broken sleep if the kids wake up. Going to bed too late is one of the biggest reasons you’re so tired. We need a minimum of eight hours of sleep a night, and ideally, we should be asleep by 10:30 pm. How often do you go to bed at 10:00 pm? If you’re reading this with a smile, thinking it’s impossible, I encourage you to rethink it. This is a key element of your self-care. Your body needs that sleep to repair and recover.
Without enough rest, our days feel more chaotic. We can’t focus, we lose patience, and anxiety builds. Lack of sleep raises your stress hormones, which leads to adrenal fatigue (you can read more about fatigue here). Do you really want to be tired all the time? Don’t you want to laugh and feel true joy, rather than forcing a smile?
Nutrition and Hydration
Nutrition and hydration also play a huge role in our energy levels. Contrary to what you may have heard, sugar and coffee are the worst pick-me-ups. That energy spike only lasts for minutes and leaves you feeling more stressed and tired. Over time, it affects your adrenal glands and pancreas, leading to serious health issues—even if mainstream doctors haven’t fully embraced this yet. After all, encouraging people to live healthier would hurt the business.
But the truth is, no pill can heal you from poor nutrition. To give your body the resources to start healing, your nutrition needs to change. Try to eat as much unprocessed food as possible. Cut out sugar, white flour, processed salt, processed milk, alcohol, and caffeine. Incorporate organic foods where possible, and drink enough water to stay hydrated. These are essential steps to restoring your energy.
Yes, it sounds simple, but I know it’s not easy. We’re busy, and cooking from scratch can feel overwhelming! But what if you started by preparing a few healthy meals over the weekend? (Jo Wicks has some great ideas for quick meals, though please don’t use a microwave—I’ll explain more in an upcoming post.) Freeze a few portions for the week. Would that be possible?
PS. Did you know that eating more raw foods (including fish and meat, if sourced well) is beneficial to your health? Think about raw or lightly cooked (1–3 minutes) broccoli or carrots—it’s a time saver too! If you need some great recipes, check out Chelsea Young’s blog. I’m sure you’ll find something you love.
Another idea: what about sharing the cooking with a friend? You could each make bigger portions for both families and exchange meals to give you more variety. Unfortunately, my best friends live in other countries, so I can’t test this out, but it sounds like a great idea. What do you think? Do you have a friend like that?
If you want to know more about nutrition and hydration, stay tuned—more posts are coming soon.
Exercise: Yes, You Still Need It!
Now, let’s talk about exercise. I know you’re thinking, "Who has the time or energy to go to the gym?" Good news: you don’t need to. But you DO need to move more. Whether it’s walking more or doing gentle evening exercises that improve your sleep, reduce stress, and gradually tone and strengthen your body, movement is your best friend.
Stay away from the gym and any high-energy workouts in the evening, as they’ll have the opposite effect. For that matter, as long as you are stressed and tired all the time, you shouldn’t even think about these types of workouts. You don’t need to motivate yourself, you need to rest and recover. And yes, I’ve got a post on this coming soon too.
My Personal Journey
I used to teach 18–20 high-intensity classes a week when I first became a fitness trainer at 33. I hated yoga or stretching—it was too boring. I worked 7 days a week, early mornings and late evenings, and I cycled everywhere, from Colliers Wood to London Bridge or Croydon, several times a week. I was definitely a DOER. But within a year, I was injured and exhausted. I looked amazing but felt drained. I was one of those "fit and sick" people.
What saddens me is that it took years before I changed my approach to fitness and well-being. There is a time for crazy cardio, spin classes, CrossFit, or boot camp, but not when your energy is depleted. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you keep pushing with intense workouts without restoring your energy, you’ll only become more tired and sick.
But here’s the good news—you’re not giving up those workouts forever! No, they’ll come back, and you’ll love them again. By making small changes like improving your sleep, nutrition, hydration, and incorporating work-in exercises, you’ll restore your energy and become unstoppable again—while still taking care of yourself for life.
Start Small
I don’t expect you to change everything at once. Start with something easy. Maybe drink more water and less coffee. Or eat less processed food and try sharing or rescheduling some of your evening chores—maybe every other day instead of daily. Every small change will give you more energy and confidence to keep going.
Remember, less is more. We’re here to LIVE our lives, not just survive. Are you ready for that? Mums don’t have to be tired all the time. We can be alive, vibrant, energised, and fit.
My free 10-Minute Pre-Bed Exercises for Stressed and Tired Mums: Relax Your Body and Mind for a Better Night’s Sleep are coming soon! Sign up for the waiting list to be the first to get access!
Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help or just want to chat. I may be a few steps ahead of you, but we’re on the same journey. We’re in this together and can support each other.
You've got this!
With love,
Karolina