Yes, every mum is tired. After having a baby life gets busier and the to do list gets longer. Sleepless nights don’t make it easier either. However, there is a distinctive difference between being tired and being fatigued. To make it very simple,

if you keep on waking up tired in the morning, after a good night’s sleep, you are dealing with adrenal fatigue, not just tiredness.

Adrenal fatigue is a disfunction of the adrenal glands and their ability to secrete steroid hormones, including cortisol. It can be caused by too much of physical, emotional, environmental, and psychological stress. One significant event (i.e traumatic birth, death of a loved one, surgery, chronic health issues) or prolonged stress (daily work or emotional stresses, difficult relationships as well as chronic or severe infections and a lack of good food, too much or too little exercise, coffee and caffeine, sugar, financial pressure, lack of sleep and relaxation, drugs, allergies, etc.) can lead to adrenal overload and fatigue.

Here are some of lifestyle elements that lead to adrenal fatigue[1]:

Lack of sleep
Chronic stress
Poor food choices (both dietary depletions as well as overindulgence)
Stress from toxins and/or drugs
Using food and drinks as simulants when tired
Staying up late even though fatigued
Being constantly in a position of powerlessness
Constantly driving yourself, burning the candle on both ends
Trying to be perfect
Staying in double binds (no-win situation) over time
Lack of enjoyable and rejuvenating activities

Some of the factors mentioned above (like sacrificing sleep or overusing caffeine) are highly accepted and encourage in today’s culture, while at the same time no one tells us to watch out for the signals that our body sends when we cross the line and sturt running on low. All these, in small doses, followed by rest and recovery, nutrient dense foods and mindful practices, letting go of perfection and self-care rituals you love, are not dangerous. But years of neglect and pushing the body to its limits result in fatigue.

Fatigue doesn’t show up as one symptom but a collection of signs and symptoms. Being always tired is not the only symptom of overworked adrenals. Not feeling well and living with a great sense of unwellness or “grey feelings”, while their health test don’t confirm any health issues is a common complaint. Unfortunately, without official doctor’s diagnosis, these symptoms are often seem as made up to family or friends. People who suffer from adrenal fatigue may appear as lazy and unmotivated while they push themselves much harder than people with healthy adrenals, just to accomplish everyday tasks.

It can affect anyone, despite the age, gender or walk of life.

I fell into this rabbit hole a few times. Underestimating the value of sleep and recovery, working late, exercising late, being in a toxic relationship for almost five years I abused my adrenal glands for years. I was tired but I kept on ignoring it and pushing through. I was ambitious and driven (I still am). I worked hard, I didn’t know any other way. I was denying that something was wrong until it got really bad. Dave’s first surgery was a tough experience for both of us. But feeling helpless and out of control when he suffered complications and screamed out of pain tipped the scale for me. It was the first time I remember I was dealing with adrenal fatigue. I wasn’t only tired but struggling to stay focused, even when I was driving. Work was surprisingly hard, my productivity decreased. I felt vulnerable when I thought I should have been strong and able to support him. I actually needed as much support as he did but couldn’t understand why. Even if I knew I wouldn’t ask for help. I thought I needed to be able to deal with all that on my own. That’s what strong women do, right? And I was a strong woman. Luckily, with lots of rest over the Christmas holidays (it happened right before Christmas), with family and friends around, I managed to rest enough to continue with my life. Second time it hit me when I changed my career and became a fitness and personal trainer. I trained more than I had time to recover from. This time I suffered with a cascade of injuries and infections. I lost too much body fat and for the first time in my life I started having problems with my period. At some point I could not walk pain free anymore. The mental stress caused by the possibility of me changing my career again and getting back to my office job was heart-breaking, adding to my stress and fatigue. I had no idea what was wrong with me so I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, I came across the book “Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome” by James L. Wilson, N.D., D.C., Ph.D. by accident. Recovery took years but I healed. Two miscarriages drained my mental energy again. I believe they were a result of my body still not being well enough to create a new life. After over a year of focused self care, rest and nutrition I got pregnant again. With additional treatment and even more rest during my pregnancy I was carrying a beautiful, strong and a big baby girl. Unfortunately, traumatic birth of Freya as well as luck of support (during Covid) and sleepless nights took their toll on my adrenals again. I couldn’t train, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t lose my baby weight. My memory, focus and productivity were just so bad that everything, even cooking and house chores would take forever. Freya is almost three years old and I am now on a new path to recovery, getting better day by day. My motivation is even higher as we are trying for a second baby. It’s been almost a year and my body still isn’t ready.

I dealt with adrenal fatigue more than I would like to. After experiencing it once, it is easier for it to keep on coming back, sometimes stronger than before. But our body has an incredible power to heal, and everyone can heal adrenal fatigue.

When you’re physically or mentally tired take a break.

If like me, you have never considered taking breaks and pushed yourself for years and years you may be experiencing adrenal overload. Here are some symptoms of adrenal fatigue that may help you identify if you have it:

Menstrual problems
Difficulty getting up in the morning
Continuing fatigue not relieved by sleep
Decreased ability to handle stress
Craving salt and salty foods
Decreased sex drive
Increased time to recover from illness, injury or trauma
Light-headed when standing up
Mild depression
Less enjoyment or happiness with life
Increased PMS
Symptoms increase if meals are skipped or inadequate
Thoughts less focused, more fuzzy
Memory less accurate
Decreased tolerance, irritating easily
Don’t really wake up until 10am, afternoon low between 3-4pm and feel better after evening meal.
Decreased productivity.

In today’s culture hard work, exaggerated doing without stopping to even catch a breath is valued more than health.

Rushing, thinking, watching and scrolling through social media keep us switched on all the time. Sleep is undervalued. Ambitious people are advised to sleep less to achieve more (one of Arnold Schwarzenegger rules of success is to “sleep faster”). We want everything and we want it now. We keep on pushing until we crash and burn. There is no balance, there is no health, often there is no happiness either. The price of this attitude is high.

What makes it more challenging for women is that these days a women’s life resembles the life of men.

We work, eat, exercise and sleep like men, ignoring or not understanding the need to nurture our female hormones.

Everyday life demands that women constantly do more be more and produce more, stopping to surrender to their body’s quiet rhythms and deep, unspoken needs is not the part of the game. This approach doesn’t change when we become mothers. We only have more responsibilities and less time. Even those early weeks after having a baby are seen as a trampoline to launch a woman back to her earlier version of herself[2]. This creates often unbearable pressure. As female hormones are more sensitive to stress, there is no surprise that women experience fatigue faster than men.

Our hormones and our menstrual cycle are the first signals we receive when our body is out of balance.

Menstrual problems like irregular periods, changes in blood flow, irregularities in cycle length, PMS[3] are the first signs that a tired and imbalanced body sends us. Monitoring your menstrual cycle, learning about different phases and adjusting some elements of your lifestyle (i.e. eating a bit less during ovulation, planning higher intensity workouts, eating more raw fruits and vegetables as well as resting and eating more, going for easy walks or doing gentle stretches and eating high iron foods during menstruation) is a great way to get in touch with your body. Everything in our body is connected and as women we are lucky to have this unique way to communicate with our body. Our menstruation is a monthly report card telling us if we’re ok.

Motherhood brings up many new challenges. Without special attention to our own needs and energy, it is easy to end up with fatigue.

As mothers we experience it more often than we should.

Driven and ambitious new mum, who was dealing with a lot of stress at work and/or personal life before having a baby, who now feels lost and confused in her new role of a mother while trying to keep the same level of success in her professional life,
A mum who doesn’t have much support or/and experienced a traumatic birth,
A single parent, a mother in an unhappy relationship, self-employed mum with a new or struggling business.
A mum who suffered trauma in her life before having a baby,

is likely to suffer with adrenal fatigue.

Firstly, we enter motherhood with a baggage of different stressed that we have “collected” over years. Secondly, we don’t prepare for our own post pregnancy recovery. No one teaches us about the nutrition and self-care rituals that are a NECESSITY in the first forty days after giving birth and beyond. We know what to pack in our hospital bag, what clothes and toiletries to buy for the baby and how to prepare the nursery. And that’s it. We prepare for the birth but don’t know much about our own recovery. On top of that many women can’t count on any support and need to get back to work before they are anywhere close to being ready for it. Expected to recover fast and be able to perform at work as they did before ads tons of stress. Sleepless nights, finding it difficult to adjust to the new role and let go of your old self, trying to rebalance work and home life, while keeping everything perfect is exhausting. All that can overwork adrenal glands and result in fatigue.

Don’t get me wrong, not every mum suffers from fatigue. I talked to new mums who just adapted to interrupted sleep and didn’t find it as difficult and exhausting. One of those mums is 12 years younger than me and have a family around. Of course, it doesn’t mean that a new mum in her 20s won’t experience fatigue. It can happen literally to anyone.

It is important to prevent fatigue by preparing for your own postnatal recovery and asking for help when you need it. When you notice you’re always tired and even a good night’s sleep doesn’t help you recover, respond as soon as possible. Recovery starts with exaggerated rest 😊

Can you imagine waking up in the morning, full of energy, ready and excited to conquer the day?

It is my goal. It can be every single one of us, if we do the necessary work. It isn’t only about changing what we eat and how much we sleep. We need to change our beliefs around rest, self care and success.

Here are some of the most important elements that help me restore my balance, vitality and find more joy in every day.

You may find these helpful or make your own list of the things you want to SLOWLY change and believes that you want to let go off. Remember that all this happens in small steps. There are setbacks, nothing is perfect. The key is to stay consistent and celebrate every single daily success.

Sleep enough
Clean up my nutrition – reduce coffee and sugar
Cook more of what my grandmother cooked[4]
Eat more fermented foods (typical for polish cuisine)
Eat foods that support kidney, liver and spleen functions (sardines, shellfish, black beans, dark leafy greens, soaked walnuts, bone broth, bison, seaweed, lamb, high-quality eggs, grass-fed butter, pumpkin, squash, yams, grass-fed beef, bitter greens, cleansing beets, extra virgin olive oil and sour tastes (i.e. apple cider vinegar)[5]
Change my mindset about rest and recovery and start seeing it as an important element of self-care, so I can be, do and give more (stop seeing resting as being lazy)
Choose the self-care rituals that are not negotiable (evening stretches and magnesium salt bath once a week)
Set flexible expectations until I get control over my sleep, give myself more time to perform tasks
Focus on positives, stay grateful for what I’ve got (be grateful for the work I am able to do well, rather than on those tasks I could not perform - as I planned too much or maybe things out of my control happened).
Redefine what success means to me and focus on the process
Sync my exercises with my menstrual cycle
Walk when I am tired instead of smashing an intense workout
Take a sick leave when I am sick (that should be obvious but it’s not. I would often push trough any cold or illness, rather than taking a day or two to rest and recover)
Play music, play games, dance and laugh with my family every day.
Don’t listen to anyone, who says (or does) that the only way to be successful is by compromising sleep and health. It isn’t true.[6]

If you don’t find the information above sufficient and want to dig deeper, grab the book I mentioned earlier “Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome” by James L. Wilson. There are many chapters about recovering from adrenal fatigue there. It was a big “eye-opener” and “life-changer”

You are an ambitious new mum and there is nothing wrong with it.

Everything is possible but some things may now take more time or require a different approach. Prioritising and letting go of some tasks may be necessary.

At the same time to be able to achieve your personal and professional goals while being the mum you want to be and preserving your vitality and having fun, you have to start paying attention to your daily energy and menstrual cycle.

Cutting on sleep and burning the candle at both ends while eating too many foods that your digestion can handle and burying anger or ignoring stress isn’t the path towards balance and joy.

Unfortunately, adrenal fatigue is hardly ever diagnosed by medical doctors and hardly ever understood by society. If you feel that this is something you may be dealing with, I recommend checking with your physician first (at least get your blood test done). If that doesn’t help, look for alternative choices, like Chinese Medicine Practitioners or even the book I mentioned earlier. Healing may take time but is not actually so difficult. It requires going back to basics, often making the life simpler and more joyous. I wish you a quick recovery.

If you don’t feel fatigued but know anyone who may be dealing with adrenal fatigue, share this post with her. Learning that the symptoms are not made up or in our head is a huge relief and a great beginning of a wonderful journey to heath.

With Love,

Karo

[1] “Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome” by James L. Wilson, N.D., D.C., Ph.D.

[2] I love this analogy. It is from the book “Awakening fertility” by Heng Ou

[3] despite of what we heard PMS is not normal. I have never experienced PMS until I overtrained, lost too much body fat and started having irregular periods

[4] There is so many different theories about nutrition and what’s the best protocol for everyone. The truth is that there is no one fits all solution. Going back to my roots, eating homemade, non-processed foods and foods that kept me healthy as a young kid and adolescence, seems to be the easiest way to me. Not everything in polish cuisine is healthy and serves me, but each meal can be adopted if necessary. At the base of each meal are fresh ingredients that are common in the part of the world I come from. Some experts believe that it is the best type of nutrition for each person. Dave comes from England which makes it a quite easy to cook for our family, as the ingredients found in both cuisines are quite similar. If your parents come from different parts of the world, then test different ingredients too see which foods or what ratio of each foods gives you the best energy and vitality (= nutrient ratios you need and can absorb).

[5] “Awakening fertility” by Heng Ou

[6] It may take longer with a small baby, but success is achieved by small and consistent daily actions. If you push yourself too hard, feel exhausted and need long rest times to recover, you will fall much more behind and will struggle to get back on track. It takes time to get the head around that, but it has to happen, otherwise you will never stop beating yourself up. Please remember it doesn’t mean you should give up on your ambitious. It only means that you must adjust your expectations to you new situation, so you can keep on moving forward and feeling great about yourself, the work you do and the results you get.

#59: Every mum is tired. But something is wrong with me...