I had Freya when I was 39 years old, after suffering two miscarriages (first at 36). It was so wonderful. But God damnit it is so hard…

Before having a baby I trained a lot. As a fitness trainer I taught a few classes a week. I was into hiking, cycling up mountains, bouldering, snowboarding and training even more at home. Today it feels like a lot but before, it was quite normal to me. I loved it. I didn’t have many issues with motivation. As long as I had a good night’s sleep it was great.

Today it is way different. Not only because it is three years later and I simply got older, but mainly because I don’t get enough sleep.

As we wait longer and longer to have a baby we have less and less energy to do everything we used to do. On top of that our body’s ability to quickly recover changes. We need more time to recover after training to get expected results and stay healthy. Training without sufficient recovery isn’t healthy.

Yet being a mum of a baby or a toddler means that our sleep and rest are often out of our control.

If you’re a lucky mum whose baby sleeps at night I really envy you. I hoped that Freya will be a good sleeper but she still struggles, leaving me exhausted. She is 2 years old now and during those two years I didn’t have many good nights. That fatigue accumulates.

To train consistently we need our energy to stay high.

When you’re constantly tired and cannot count on a good night rest it is difficult to have the energy to do any regular workouts. You may try to motivate yourself and push it, but it won’t last very long. I tried it and learned that after it isn’t sustainable. If you keep on pushing yourself beyond the point from which you can recover, you will be getting more tired, weaker, less fit and be more prone to injuries and illnesses.

I remember when I had one of my gynaecology checks in my late 20ies, my doctor mentioned that as we get older, our body gets weaker due to all the sicknesses, injuries and mental challenges we sustained. The longer we wait to have a baby, the longer the list of different ailments we have experienced. That doesn’t only make us weaker but also decreases our body’s energy (please don’t be upset, there are actually ways we can keep our energy high and stay healthy as we get older).

To add to it, we live fast and stressful lives.

That stress overload weakens our adrenal glands and causes imbalances in our endocrine system. If we don’t get it under control before we have a baby, we are more prone to fatigue afterwards. When suffering from adrenal fatigue we have to focus on sleep and rest, which is impossible with the little one around (gentle exercises are also recommended when dealing with adrenal fatigue as they help our body function better).

Moreover, let’s don’t forget the pressure of doing it all by ourselves.

Over the years we have grown to believe that when we have a baby it is better not to ask your family for help. Before Freya was born I made sure my mum didn’t come over before she was three weeks old. I would wait longer but did it for my mum who couldn’t wait to see her granddaughter (I was lucky as after she went back home we were in lock down again). To be fair, we needed this time for ourselves and it was beautiful. But after those three weeks I needed my mum here. She helped us so much, less with a baby, more with all the house chores that had to be done. As Freya was born in between Corona lockdowns, her visit and help was the only one we received in the first twelve months.

Saying it was difficult is understatement.

The pressure I put on myself, lack of help, hormonal fluctuations, adjusting to new reality, the drama with the baby weight that didn’t want to come off (I was asked if I was pregnant again a few times already) and the never-ending tiredness took its toll on me and I ended up with adrenal fatigue before Freya was 12 months old. Having my mum here again helped me get the needed mental and physical rest that started my way to recovery.

To be fair, I needed to read “The fourth trimester” book by Kimberly Ann Johnson to put these two together and understand why I was so exhausted. I was so convinced that I should be strong enough to do it all on my own that I didn’t ask for help until it was too late. I think women of our generation are still convinced that we should be able to do it all and we push through everything, completely ignoring our own needs and feelings. Baby is important but so is mum who has to be fit enough to take care of, love and give him/her everything he/she needs.

Finally let’s don’t forget that our hormones change as we get older.

Did you know that most women enter the first part of perimenopause between the ages of 35 and 44? We can delay it by living hormone-friendly lifestyle, which most women don’t[1]. During that phase the progesterone plummets and estrogen takes over. Hormones fluctuate rapidly, making us feel energised one day and completely exhausted the next one… It isn’t always fun and adds to fatigue.

This is why, after having a baby after 35, feeling always tired, we have to start looking at our training differently.

Exercising needs to be a vital part of our routine, but it has to be short and more specific. At least for the first few years before we start getting more sleep. Starting slowly, adjusting the intensity to our energy, prioritising recovery, will help you get consistent. Long, heavy workouts won’t work, especially if you’re already prone to fatigue.

There are plenty exercises that will increase your energy for the whole day without increasing your stress hormones.

I would highly recommend exercising in sync with your menstrual cycle. It makes each workout “hormone friendly”. It also means that we respect our body’s energy fluctuations making it easier to stay consistent. During menstrual phase when the energy is the lowest, we keep intensity of the workout low, focusing on stretching and/or walking. during ovulation, whne our energy is the highest we can add some strength training or do a short HIIT.

When you start recognising that during each menstrual phase we need to have a different approach to exercise you will be less stressed and more energised. It takes away the pressure that we woman put on ourselves to get back to our pre pregnancy self as soon as possible.

If you need help starting to work out in sync with your menstrual cycle and only have energy to exercise 5-min a day join my FB group “5-min workouts for tired mums”. I post a new video every single day. 

With love,

Karo

[1] If you want to learn more about how to improve your hormonal health check out the book “Woman Code” by Alisa Vitti, HHC.