I’ll be honest, self-care doesn’t come easy to me. I do have to be more mindful to just stop doing, sit down and get a bit of rest. There is always so much to do at home. I feel like I’m constantly switched on, doing never ending chores and stopping only when I finally get to bed. Since we have Freya there is even more to do each day.

Somehow my home is always a mess (I like to call it an artistic mess) and nothing seems to be ever done despite all the work that goes into it. Instead, last year I ended up physically and mentally exhausted and was forced to slow down…

Why, oh why do we do it?

Why as women we always feel like we have to keep on giving and doing and not leaving any time to ourselves?

It is time to challenge this belief and start taking small steps towards a change and more self-care.

Giving and helping others can be a source of joy, satisfaction and self-esteem for as long as we leave something for ourselves. If we overdo “giving” we end up frustrated and depleted, resenting people and activities we used to love and enjoy.

I have less time now than before I had Freya, but it has never been easy for me to prioritise self-care. The thing is that I was never exposed to that. No woman in my family talks about it. In contrary, when my mum has nothing to do (like working, cleaning, cooking), she complains that she’s wasting her time.

In our society we have idealised inexhaustible energy.

Fitting work (often not only 9-5 but with hours of overtime, including catching up with work at home while kids are sleeping), family and social relationships, all the house chores and exercise in one typical day, without any time to slow down and take a breather. Do you ever feel like you’re constantly running, going from one place to other, having no time to drink water or eat your meal, constantly late, exhausted and stressed?

This isn’t healthy.

The longer we do it the more we’re jeopardising our and our family’s health and well-being.

The only time when I slowed down was when we got into lockdown when I was 4 months pregnant. I was so tired (I was taking extra progesterone) that going to work was really challenging so I was quite happy with that. I just wanted to sleep all day long. But as soon as Freya was born, I wanted to get back to my pre baby lifestyle immediately. I was so not used to just sitting down and asking others to do things for me. I wanted everything to be perfect for my little one not comprehending that “less is more” and we both needed more rest and more time just for two of us.

In her book “The fourth trimester” Kimberly Ann Johnsons writes: “There is no more pronounced shift in the body, mind and spirit than becoming a mother. Transition to motherhood, which is ongoing and individual, requires respect. Cultures all over the world have honoured the time following birth by allowing new mothers to rest, feeding them nutritious foods and offering healing hands.”

What did I do just 6 days after giving birth? We went out not only to register Freya and do the necessary admin, but we also ran unnecessary errands. Two and a half hours later I was not only exhausted but also in pain. In the end c-section is a major surgery and running errands 6 days afterwards wasn’t the best idea but you wouldn’t convince me otherwise.

Postpartum time is an important time to restore our vitality, rebuild our systems and emerge stronger.

As Kimberly Ann Johnson explains there are five universal postpartum needs: rest, nourishing food, loving touch, spiritual companionship and contact with nature. The one I failed the most at, was rest.

During the fourth trimester mother and the baby are still emotionally and energetically connected, even though physically separated?

A child’s physical and mental wellbeing depends on the mother’s health.

This is why it is so important for a new mum to focus on rest, nutrition, hugging and cuddling.

With a new baby comes new responsibilities and it may feel like we have just too much to do to find time to rest. But our rest is more important than ironing freshly washed and tumble-dried clothes (I forced myself to iron Freya’s clothes until she was 6 months old) or steaming the floor twice a week. Of course there are things you cannot skip but if there is anyone that can help you in those first few weeks after giving birth, ask for help. If I get the second chance I definitely will.

Self-care is always important and the sooner we start adding small elements of it to our monthly routine the easier it will be to keep on practicing it after we have a baby, when it is absolutely necessary. Not only during the forth trimester (12 weeks after giving birth) but beyond that as well.

In her book “Woman Code” Alisa Vitti explains that self-care doesn’t have to be complex.

You don’t need everyday massages, saunas, cold showers or facials.

You don’t even need to have the same morning routine. Instead focus on giving your body what it’s asking for in the right way at the right time.

Rest, nutrition, walking and gentle moves are all part of your self-care routine.

You don’t need anything sophisticated to start feeling better and have more energy. Finding time to prepare, cook and eat healthy meals, being able to sit down and drink your favourite tea in peace or just go out for an easy walk (with or without family) is the base for our self-care routine. This helps support optimal hormonal health also influencing our mood and thinking.

Everyone knows that the best mum is a happy mum.

Self-care is what will help us feel good, even if the world around us isn’t perfect.

As females, we don’t only follow the 24-hour circadian clock but also 28-day infradian rhythm that is connected to our menstrual cycle.

That means that you can choose different self-care practices for different menstrual phases.

A warm shower or peeling during your menstrual phase, go out to see your favourite band during follicular phase, spend time connecting with your family or friends during ovulatory phase and take a long, luxury bath during your luteal phase.

It was extremely interesting for me to learn that if we’re not eating, working out and practicing other simple self-care rituals in sync with your menstrual cycle we may interfere with stable blood sugar, mess with our cortisol, and throw off our hormones, mood, and energy.

The same activities that are great for one phase may make your hormonal imbalances worse if practiced ag thd wrong time.

Synchronising your self-care practices with your menstrual cycle takes away the pressure and overwhelm of having to try to fit everything in your schedule. Tailoring it to our unique needs during each phase will make us feel better and more relaxed.

If you’re not menstruating yet after having a baby or you have very irregular periods, you can follow moon phases with a new moon representing menstruation and full moon ovulation.

I am still in the process of learning how to slow down and really listen to what I feel like doing during each menstrual phase. It isn’t easy after being disconnected from my inner voice for too many years but I am making progress. I follow Alissa’s Vitti program, syncing my nutrition and workouts with my menstrual cycle. I still have plenty of work to do but I feel so much better. Just taking the pressure away to stop pushing myself to do more, even if I don’t feel like it, has been a huge relief. My energy has improved even though I still don’t sleep at night. I cannot wait to see what is possible when Freya (we) starts sleeping through the night.

Investing time in ourselves and taking care of ourselves is investing in our family and healthy happy life.

There is no better motivation than that.

Ps. If you want to start exercising in sync with your menstrual cycle but are tired and don’t know where to start try our private FB group where I post a“5-min workouts for tired mums” new 5 min workout every day, following moon phases. There are workouts for each menstrual phase there.

This isn’t a weight loss program but it is designed to help tired mums to build fitness foundations, avoid any pains and aches, strengthen the whole body and build a lasting habit. Join us if this sounds like something that is perfect for you. I would love to see you there.

With Love,

Karo